Thursday, November 10, 2011

Learning to Grow

So, do you ever feel like such a failure that no one could like you? Particularly God? I recently went through a hard time where I felt like I had failed my morals, my parents, my friends, and was completely beyond repair. I would go down to my room and just cry and pray my heart out asking Jesus to help me. But things didn't get any better. Yet what I realized as time passed was that I was trying to fix myself by myself. I had this idea in the back of my brain that I could make myself "perfect" by myself and make God proud of me. Therefore, when I messed up, I felt so bad and so hopeless that I felt I could never get up again, and I wasn't letting myself grow through my challenges. But a few days ago, I completely gave up and realized that my only hope was Jesus. I had already known that, but the problem with problems is that you usually know the answers to your problem (or at least I do), or you already know that Jesus loves you and that you aren't a failure, and you already know not to try and fix things yourself. But applying what you know and realizing that it actually works (ha, go figure) is what is needed. So I prayed and prayed and prayed, giving everything to Jesus, and you know what happened? I had this wave of peace flow over me, and it was so warm and wonderful, that I felt like crying again, and singing and dancing just for joy. I am not perfect! And now I realize that I'm ok with that. And actually I think that if I were perfect, for one, God wouldn't be so wonderful to me because I wouldn't need Him and that would be miserable. And for two, not being perfect is what gives me something to strive for and achieve, because you can always get better; there is always a next step. So, if you're only going to remember one thing from here, remember this: Jesus loves you! Really he does. I know you've heard that a million times, I know you know that. But if you believe it, you're life will be changed drastically! Don't give up, keep trying, you are not a failure, Jesus is with you, and you are loved.