You know when you grow up listening to certain songs, and then one day you actually hear the lyrics for the first time?
The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything.
Enough said. I was cracking up the whole afternoon. :)
Let me tell you; living life, receiving the glorious healing of God in my heart, and having the world open up in front of me,.......man, it's changed things. After watching God flip my life rightside up again, (or upside down depending on how you look at it :), I have found that I am filled. My heart is filled. And I think it's with joy! The really cool thing is, it isn't a fleeting feeling. It lasts. Even during the times I mess up.
Last Spring, when I accepted that Jesus loved me for the first time (that I can recall), I felt that gap fill up in my heart. And I guess there was something in the dusty corner of my brain that said, "YAY! I can be perfect now!"
I didn't really think that in words, but I do recognize that inclination of expectation sometimes. However, being fulfilled in the Lord doesn't create perfection; at least not immediately. Immediately what happens is you know that you are loved, you have a purpose, and God can use you in crazy wonderful ways. You get joy.
I have a confession to make. I am an incredibly selfish person.When God opens my eyes, and I submit to the Holy Spirit, things that need to change in my life quickly become very apparent. Sometimes I feel like I've actually gotten a little more selfish since God has helped me see the bigger picture, although I think it's really just my conscience starting to kick back into gear.
So in one way, I got the opposite result I was expecting: I didn't stop sinning. But I became aware of my sins.
And really, that's so much better! Because before, I used to weep, and feel disgusted with myself at every trip and stumble. Now, I see that I stumble, but......that joy stays. I lament the mistake, but God helps me see beyond it. And those things that I've been ignoring so long are being picked up, and fixed in front of me. My life has changed.
There isn't despair. There is JOY!
I. CAN. NOT. EXPLAIN. THIS. I'm not even sure what my point is supposed to be for this, or exactly what I'm trying to say........ But I finally know that joy is possible.
And it is the coolest thing.
God is good.
I wish I could transfer this feeling to the whole world. My trust is not in feelings, and I know that this walk I have chosen to travel with God is going to be hard. But my trust is in the Truth. The Lord of Hosts. Adonai.
The One I delight in.
The One who gives you joy.